Helps to Blog

There still hasn't been a day go by that I don't cry and ache for Kelly and the girls who lost their husband and father to cancer. I also feel sorrow for David and Kathy who lost their son.
I miss my best friend dearly and hope that one day I am worthy enough to be in his presence.
I think it helps me to blog because if I just can't keep the emotions and feelings bottled up inside.
I still have dreams about Clint that we are on some adventure with our families and he can always make me laugh.
I also have dreams about him being alive but still sick as he was. I can't imagine how much pain and suffering he had to deal with for a year.
There were times I saw him at the hospital when he was at his lowest points and it hurt my heart to see him this way. I just kept telling him to hold on and fight.
Clint was a tremendous fighter. He is stronger and more powerful than anyone I know.

Last night I was watching City of Angels on TV. I don't know why I do this to myself and watch it. Anywho, if you haven't seen it sorry about the spoiler.
An Angel falls in love with a human. Then the Angel becomes human (by free will and choice) and when he gets together with the one he loves she dies.

In the movie I noticed when she died, the angel that became human was grieving. In the movie it shows that when someone grieves or upset there are Angels surrounding them to build them up. Well the human angel who lost his love is grieving and wants to know why this happened. He asks the Angel that is comforting him, "Why did He(meaning God) do this?" the Angel then responds "I don't know" Then the human angel says, "Because her number was up?" The comforting angel responds, "What do you want me to say?". The human angel then says, "Am I being punished?" to which the comforting Angel says, "You know better than that. That's life. You're living now. And one day......you'll be dying."

At the end of the movie it shows the Human Angel at the beach. (The beach is where all the comforting Angels go to see the sun set and rise. But they cannot feel anything.)

Anywho, when the human angel gets to the beach he smiles and runs into the ocean and body surfs, etc.. You can see he is happy and having a good time. He can feel and that is all about life and living.
Symbolically that is what life is about. This life is about enjoying in our posterity, being happy, and living life like the next day could be your last. So while we are here enjoy it and live life.

It is comforting to know that death is not the end. There is something more out there that we here on earth cannot comprehend or grasp yet until it is our time.

I think Clint would want us to be happy and live life. Clint truly lived and loved life. It is still hard and I hurts to not have someone there that has been there all your life.
My heart pains for Kelly and the girls. I cannot imagine their pain or how they feel.